you turned your livingroom into a bong?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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