Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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