Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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