No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
