you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
