Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
