I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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