Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
