Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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