Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
