There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
