I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize