We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
