I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize