man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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