all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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