i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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