It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
