just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
