forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
