I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize