how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think people are normalizing furries
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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