people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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