True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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