Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
