we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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