i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Enjoy the penises
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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