we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
