At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
