dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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