Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
