you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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