If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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