Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
