he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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