It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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