That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
