i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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