Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
