i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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