it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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