I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
