I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
