The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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