the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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