Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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