it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
