All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
