apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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