I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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