How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
