I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
