The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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