You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's the barista slut.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
