I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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