If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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