if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
