dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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