I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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