i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
