i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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