you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
