On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
BRING THE BAGELS
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
