Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
