Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
