after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
