i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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