I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize