Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
