Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
