I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
