I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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