So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
