Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
