I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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