I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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