I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
