Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
