My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i believe in u and ur pee
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