I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
