Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
