I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
