my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
