I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
