Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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