I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
